Entry 20: The Modern Day Zombie

Okay, to make up for Gerrymandering and Bolo Ties' last debacle, I've decided to forward all of my readers three thousand big ones.  But since I have tens of thousands of readers, the fraction that people will actually receive is actually very small.  Because that three thousand dollars is communal.  Also, just kidding.  Please don't stop reading.  Your angry faces as you read my humble blog keeps my heart beating, and keeps the bacon on the table(Also, the stapler does that too, but that's a different thing entirely.) and pays for my staples.  Because of the recent success of my blog, yano, successfully going international and outernational, I've received more and more sponsors by the barrel fulls.( I actually highly considered listing an obscure, small business as a sponsor, but I scurred myself by the off chance they might discover I illegally gave them a shout out.)  Anyway, keep on reading, and I'll present my undying love to you with a hammock and a sloppy joe, and we'll talk about our futures together, just so as long as you keep reading crater hole that is my blog.  Today's matter of discussion falls on Zombie.


My first and only question.  Can Zombies be productive members of society?

 

The Zombies

 All puns aside, the rhetoric I press to you readers to concern yourselves over pertains to whether or not zombies can be productive elements to today's complex, and politically correct society.(Hello College Thesis)


For starters, let's approach this topic from a purely politically correct stand point.  Girls hate when men objectify them, and men hate it when girls don't let guys objectify them.  And if a person comes on too strongly to a fellow employee, the litigation quickly follows.  The problem with zombies is they simply leave no personal space.  They're simply always trying to eat people's brains.  You might say it's because they're mindless.  But the difference between them and the viewers of According to Jim is that the viewers of According to Jim are not discriminated against, whereas Zombies are in fact discriminated against.

There's been a rising movement among collegiate students, the "Romero Movement"(I'll treat a person to a Popsicle if they get the reference without looking it up, and since I can't trust anyone to not look it up, I immediately recede my offer.) as it's called, to not only bring Zombies to the work force, but to academia as well.  There have been increasing cases of people trying to wed the zombie they love, but because they're undead and therefore, not tax paying citizens, the controversy rages on.  The politicians on Capital Hill, especially of the Tea Party movement find them to be a threat to the American way.  So I ask you, the readers, if you think Zombies should enter the work force and or academia and or should be allowed to marry non zombies.

The next matter of business in discussing the productive Zombie's role in society is whether or not they should receive social security benefits.  This has been a pressing issue as well, for many zombies have a plethora of health issues such a dysentery, and live to be much older than sixty two.  A lot of democrats were fighting for Zombie medicare and medicaid, when the Republicans were opposing it.  This is certainly a hot button issue, that won't be resolved quickly.

Next, the Zombies are starting to sit in front of buses in the south.  A lot of southeners are getting increasingly more antsy with the presumptuous Zombies.  As everyone knows, the South has decided to discriminate against Zombie men and women by installing different bathrooms, schools, water fountains, and segregating public transportation.  This should not stand, but we all know how fickle zombie haters are.

Finally, and most importantly, How do we deal with the rising civil war between Cyborgs and Zombies?  Do we bunker down and say our prayers, or do we pick a side, like the grand U S of A did in the first World War?

Can a Zombie really thrive in today's America?  And when will the hate crimes come to an end?  And should they come to and end?  Clearly grey issues.

I'll let you readers mull these issues over, until next time.


Au Revoir!